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《醒》《與春天對(duì)話》華夏微型詩(shī)社周周發(fā)同題第531期

巴山一松

<p class="ql-block">@所有人</p><p class="ql-block">華夏微型詩(shī)社第531期周周發(fā)同題創(chuàng)作開(kāi)始了。</p><p class="ql-block"> 歡迎詩(shī)友們參與微型詩(shī)寫(xiě)作!請(qǐng)?jiān)缛諛?gòu)思打磨!</p><p class="ql-block">備注:</p><p class="ql-block">1、投稿、收稿時(shí)間:</p><p class="ql-block">2月25日晚上7點(diǎn)——10點(diǎn)。</p><p class="ql-block">2、每人選投一首微型詩(shī)。</p><p class="ql-block">3、請(qǐng)單獨(dú)發(fā)帖,不要自行接龍,由巴山一松老師統(tǒng)一收稿。</p><p class="ql-block">4、稿件選編到美篇,并由詩(shī)社老師予以點(diǎn)評(píng)。</p><p class="ql-block">5、本期題目:</p><p class="ql-block">①《醒》 </p><p class="ql-block">②《與春天對(duì)話》</p><p class="ql-block">6.出題老師:岐麟散人</p><p class="ql-block">7、交流時(shí)可交流兩首,投稿時(shí)只選投一首,收稿只收一首,點(diǎn)評(píng)也只點(diǎn)評(píng)一首。</p><p class="ql-block">8.優(yōu)秀作品推薦“微詩(shī)坊”。</p> <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">與春天對(duì)話</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/二海</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">一想念就變成了葉子</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">有兩片托起的紅腮</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">鮮鮮地開(kāi)放 引蜂蝶圍舞</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">紫塞長(zhǎng)風(fēng)簡(jiǎn)評(píng):</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 想象奇特,形象唯美,“葉子”“紅腮”質(zhì)感,枝葉、花朵的形象呈于眼前,春的形象呈于眼前,且擬人手法讓“對(duì)話”可感。個(gè)感,尾句若能跳脫一點(diǎn)會(huì)更好。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">醒</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/綠柳楓</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">種子在泥土里練習(xí)翻身術(shù)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">蚯蚓用甲骨文</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">在黑暗中,寫(xiě)下解凍宣言</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">紫塞長(zhǎng)風(fēng)簡(jiǎn)評(píng):</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 種子、蚯蚓、解凍,連綴起土地、春天,讓“醒”具象而實(shí)化,翻身術(shù)、甲骨文,新穎獨(dú)到。作品意象豐呈,表達(dá)流暢,令人擊節(jié)!</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">與春天對(duì)話</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/岐麟散人</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">楊柳含情 舞動(dòng)裙袂</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">惹得桃花灼灼</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">一場(chǎng)季節(jié)戀 火遍三月</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">紫塞長(zhǎng)風(fēng)簡(jiǎn)評(píng):</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 鋪墊精彩到位,尾句提升有力。尤其“季節(jié)戀”,突出“對(duì)話”,同時(shí)點(diǎn)出春天,令人遐思。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">與春天對(duì)話</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/小乙</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">綠柳舞動(dòng)枝條</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">花蕾吐芳、小河伴唱</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">風(fēng)兒把心聲送抵醒來(lái)的田野</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">紫塞長(zhǎng)風(fēng)簡(jiǎn)評(píng):</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 作品由綠柳、花蕾、小河組成了春的合唱,尾句扣“對(duì)話”,“送抵”意蘊(yùn)美好。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">與春天對(duì)話</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/古道白楊</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">溫情的語(yǔ)言 熱烈枝頭笑聲</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">嬉鬧 奔跑 追逐 </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">是小草饋贈(zèng)大地的最美詩(shī)行</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">紫塞長(zhǎng)風(fēng)簡(jiǎn)評(píng):</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 一幅春的歡樂(lè)圖,一篇醉美的童話!</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">醒</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文 綠色</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">風(fēng)緩緩吹,蜷縮在角落</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">的蝸牛,奮力搬開(kāi)不堪和委屈</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">傾聽(tīng)季節(jié)的心跳</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">紫塞長(zhǎng)風(fēng)簡(jiǎn)評(píng):</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 童話般的語(yǔ)言,童話般的詩(shī)行,一只蝸牛,透出靈動(dòng)和美感。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">醒</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/吉新</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">直到海水漫過(guò)沙灘,漫過(guò)脖子</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">月光擦拭空寂的杯子</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">才能看到江湖遼遠(yuǎn)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">紫塞長(zhǎng)風(fēng)簡(jiǎn)評(píng):</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 漫過(guò)、擦拭,讓“醒”有了時(shí)間感,也有了溫度;而“才能看到江湖遼遠(yuǎn)”又給人期待。作品遠(yuǎn)近結(jié)合,大小對(duì)比,頗具細(xì)膩感和沖擊力,令人回味。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">與春天對(duì)話</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/趙正霞</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">抬眼 一叢綠 </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">波向心海 撒一把陽(yáng)光</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">播新夢(mèng) 青蔥如初</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">紫塞長(zhǎng)風(fēng)簡(jiǎn)評(píng):</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 一段心靈的獨(dú)白,一闕新春的訴語(yǔ)。</span></p> <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">與春天對(duì)話</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/張雷</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">誰(shuí)把雪人惹哭了 </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">迎春花吹響金色喇叭</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">炊煙呼喚耕牛卸犁回家</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">岐麟散人淺讀:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 首句發(fā)問(wèn),暗示冬去春來(lái)?!坝夯ā笔谴禾斓牡絹?lái)的標(biāo)志,“金色喇叭”是花之形狀,比喻貼切,末句勾勒出一幅春日農(nóng)耕圖,讓人感受到鄉(xiāng)村生活的美好。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">與春天對(duì)話</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/八鄉(xiāng)人</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">風(fēng)脫掉了我的羽絨服</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">陽(yáng)光帶我去看路邊的野花</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">山巒吼我給它拍照</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">岐麟散人淺讀:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 借脫掉羽絨服,暗示氣溫升高,春天到來(lái)。隨之運(yùn)用擬人手法,野花盛開(kāi)點(diǎn)出春景美好,“拍照”一詞妙趣橫生,“吼”字點(diǎn)睛之筆與詩(shī)題對(duì)應(yīng)。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">與春天對(duì)話</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/執(zhí)著</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">陽(yáng)風(fēng),舞動(dòng)小蠻腰</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">花兒競(jìng)相嗮裙袂</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">小河嘩啦啦地唱情歌</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">岐麟散人淺讀:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 首句把春風(fēng)比作婀娜舞者,盡顯春風(fēng)輕柔靈動(dòng)之美。“爭(zhēng)相”一詞描繪出百花綻放之態(tài),末句借小河解凍,賦予小河人的情感,生動(dòng)展現(xiàn)春天美麗景色。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">與春天對(duì)話</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/森林雨</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">清晨,幻一串串脆綠鳥(niǎo)鳴</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">融入山林</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">飛山崗,唱幽徑,啄泉溪</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">岐麟散人淺讀:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 通感手法將鳥(niǎo)鳴的清脆與春天的綠意相融合。“飛、唱、啄”一系列動(dòng)詞描繪出鳥(niǎo)兒在春天山林間歡樂(lè)自由的場(chǎng)景,動(dòng)態(tài)感和畫(huà)面感十足,盡現(xiàn)春天盎然生機(jī)。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">與春天對(duì)話</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/隨風(fēng)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">小燕子回來(lái)了</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">帶著小雨滴</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">對(duì)我訴說(shuō)它愉悅的心情</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">岐麟散人淺讀:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 運(yùn)用“燕子、雨滴”等春天意象,暗示春之到來(lái)?!霸V說(shuō)”一詞對(duì)應(yīng)詩(shī)題,賦予燕子人的情感,借其之口傳達(dá)春汛,充滿感染力。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">與春天對(duì)話</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/蔡厚炳</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">一枚新芽</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">甩掉嚴(yán)冬的自負(fù)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">點(diǎn)亮塵世雙眸</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">岐麟散人淺讀:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 將新芽人格化,生動(dòng)展現(xiàn)新芽沖破寒冬的力量。全詩(shī)以小見(jiàn)大,展現(xiàn)春天新生力量帶來(lái)的美。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">與春天對(duì)話</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/陽(yáng)光</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">風(fēng) 開(kāi)始炫酷</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">桃花 曬出愛(ài)情詩(shī)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">泥土 生出一地綠娃 </span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">岐麟散人淺讀:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> “風(fēng)、桃花、泥土”三個(gè)意向形象展現(xiàn)春回大地、草木萌發(fā)的景象,展現(xiàn)春天的多彩與活力。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">與春天對(duì)話</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/康秀炎</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">我喊了一聲</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">陽(yáng)光在枝頭打顫</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">咕嚕嚕 滾下一串鳥(niǎo)鳴</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">岐麟散人淺讀:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 一二句想象奇特,充滿趣味。末句運(yùn)用擬聲詞和動(dòng)詞,描繪出春天里鳥(niǎo)鳴畫(huà)面,語(yǔ)句精煉優(yōu)美。</span></p> <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">醒</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/丹霞</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">時(shí)間老人做夢(mèng)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">花和蝴蝶飛翔</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">眸子一睜 春天已然眼前</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">赤道雪域簡(jiǎn)評(píng): </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 想象夢(mèng)境內(nèi)外浪漫,眼前強(qiáng)化了親切美好的感受。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">醒</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/陳興茂</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">春雨瀟瀟 嬌嫡聲聲</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">枝頭嫩葉瞇眼笑</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">期待一場(chǎng)花開(kāi)的絢麗</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">赤道雪域簡(jiǎn)評(píng): </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 醒來(lái)時(shí)所聞所見(jiàn),及滿懷激動(dòng)的期待。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">與春天對(duì)話</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/付光渝</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">桃花綻出粉腮 嫵媚</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">妖嬈 向暖陽(yáng)討</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">一抹溫柔 怦然心動(dòng)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">赤道雪域簡(jiǎn)評(píng): </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 比擬生動(dòng),生機(jī)盎然!</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 醒</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 文/晗羲</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">清翠的燕鳴聲灑落夜空</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">冰封的河床,泛醒了漣漪</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">萬(wàn)山披上綠妝,從春晨中走來(lái)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">赤道雪域簡(jiǎn)評(píng): </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 三行三組意象,共譜寫(xiě)春天醒來(lái)時(shí)氣象的變化!</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">與春天對(duì)話</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/周其林</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">雷聲從腳底炸響</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">綠意就從天邊枝頭</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">彌漫開(kāi)來(lái)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">赤道雪域簡(jiǎn)評(píng): </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 文字簡(jiǎn)潔,氣勢(shì)足,生機(jī)盎然。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">與春天對(duì)話</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/ 刀郎公子</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">輕風(fēng)聆聽(tīng)泥土里的信號(hào)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">與它交流</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">新生命的秘密</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">赤道雪域簡(jiǎn)評(píng): </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 想象空靈大氣,語(yǔ)氣輕柔。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">醒</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/心開(kāi)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">一朵花開(kāi)的時(shí)間</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">東方魚(yú)肚白宣告</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">椿芽的精彩時(shí)刻</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">赤道雪域簡(jiǎn)評(píng): </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 描繪晨醒時(shí)內(nèi)心激動(dòng)的感受。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">醒 </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/行天 </span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">14億國(guó)人中</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">11億人月薪3000以下 </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">冰冷數(shù)字令人背脊發(fā)涼</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">赤道雪域簡(jiǎn)評(píng): </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 關(guān)注民生,好!羅列數(shù)據(jù),要真實(shí)嚴(yán)謹(jǐn),經(jīng)得住推敲。</span></p> <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">醒</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/張士杰</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">露珠在蛛網(wǎng)上搖晃</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">破碎的月光</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">滴落成黎明</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">巴山一松簡(jiǎn)評(píng):</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 微詩(shī)構(gòu)思獨(dú)特,既有色彩又有動(dòng)感,"滴落”通感為醒而來(lái)。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">與春天對(duì)話</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/楊繼廷</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">準(zhǔn)備好了嗎</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">一起努力</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">等待秋天的碩果</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">巴山一松簡(jiǎn)評(píng):</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 一個(gè)問(wèn)句,充滿親切感,給人希望。理解文中的“春天”可虛可實(shí)。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">與春天對(duì)話</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/東方虹雨</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">新紅嫩綠的詞匯</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">燕鶯穿云造句</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">柳笛 把故事又演奏了一遍</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">巴山一松簡(jiǎn)評(píng):</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 多個(gè)景物的有效鏈接,完成了一個(gè)故事,比擬,構(gòu)思不錯(cuò)。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">醒</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/林漢梁</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">愚昧藏腦海</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">待冤災(zāi)惡劣等降臨</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">方知遠(yuǎn)離而去</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">巴山一松簡(jiǎn)評(píng):</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 少了意象,說(shuō)教就重了。這是微詩(shī)不提倡的寫(xiě)作方式。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">醒</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/書(shū)蟲(chóng)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">春風(fēng)扯落雪被</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">一枝梅成了點(diǎn)睛之筆</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">江南,睜開(kāi)嫩綠的眸子</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">巴山一松簡(jiǎn)評(píng):</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 微詩(shī)圍繞詩(shī)題,句句都有醒的影子,通感運(yùn)用為詩(shī)增光添彩,樸實(shí)文字有了生命。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">與春天對(duì)話</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/高峰</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">輕叩大地 聽(tīng)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">你帶來(lái)數(shù)不清那生機(jī)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">潤(rùn)雨回 在每寸土地上撒歡</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">巴山一松簡(jiǎn)評(píng):</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> “撒歡”精彩,既有了生機(jī),又有了情感。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">醒</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/家鄉(xiāng)小河</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">柔風(fēng)像一把鑰匙</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">打開(kāi)冰冷鎖鏈</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">遍野響起了吶喊聲</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">巴山一松簡(jiǎn)評(píng):</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 構(gòu)思不錯(cuò),表達(dá)連貫,春的無(wú)窮生機(jī)就在“吶喊聲”里,哪怕有些吶喊人耳聽(tīng)不見(jiàn)。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">與春天對(duì)話</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/墨客吟</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">小草穿過(guò)積雪和太陽(yáng)搭訕</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">風(fēng)跑來(lái)偷聽(tīng)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">沒(méi)有獲取情報(bào)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">巴山一松簡(jiǎn)評(píng):</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 微詩(shī)運(yùn)用擬人完成事件的描述,“ 搭訕”“情報(bào)”出新。</span></p> <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">醒</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/江南風(fēng)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">再黑,又如何</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">借一盞路燈,替代夜的眼睛</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">多少歸途,在腳下生風(fēng)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">昨夜星簡(jiǎn)評(píng):</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 這首微詩(shī)旨意是寫(xiě)打工者的激昂,向上的精神面貌,面對(duì)一切困難,豪邁的心緒。正能量的一首。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 作者沒(méi)有干巴巴去說(shuō)教,通過(guò)形象思維,融入自己的思考,情感,以小見(jiàn)大,完成主旨的表達(dá)。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">醒</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/雪兒懷春</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">牌桌爭(zhēng)鋒“友誼”偏軌</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">勤于書(shū)中尋找清潔樂(lè)園</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">享?yè)碛嗌h逸</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">昨夜星簡(jiǎn)評(píng):</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 立意不錯(cuò)!但在表達(dá)效果上顯生硬!</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">與春天對(duì)話</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/老妖</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">一朵小花孤零向寒風(fēng)細(xì)說(shuō)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">百應(yīng)效果顯著</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">獨(dú)秀風(fēng)景只把魅力彰顯</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">昨夜星簡(jiǎn)評(píng):</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 寫(xiě)景,選取意象,都是為了抒情,表達(dá)主題服務(wù)。力求詩(shī)語(yǔ)自然生動(dòng),上下連貫。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">與春天對(duì)話</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/往往醉后</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">此時(shí) 不只是聽(tīng)你發(fā)芽</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">那十里桃紅</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">也羞答答的 想跟我耳語(yǔ)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">昨夜星簡(jiǎn)評(píng):</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 扣題緊。表達(dá)上也生動(dòng)。寫(xiě)景,抒情上也融合自然。但轉(zhuǎn)換寫(xiě)人,抒情力度欠火候,——未再深入。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 詩(shī)語(yǔ)尚可簡(jiǎn)練。此時(shí) 不僅聽(tīng)發(fā)芽/十里桃紅/羞答答 想耳語(yǔ)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 試改一下:諦聽(tīng)發(fā)芽的聲音/十里的桃紅 /抵不上 那人耳語(yǔ)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">注:羞答答的,“的”是“地”?!跋搿贝颂幑δ軕?yīng)是動(dòng)詞。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">與春天對(duì)話</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/巴山一松</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">再多說(shuō)詞都很蒼白</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">只一聲?shū)B(niǎo)鳴,一朵花開(kāi)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">新季,就鮮活起來(lái)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">昨夜星簡(jiǎn)評(píng):</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 言語(yǔ),夸,似乎力不從心,鳥(niǎo)鳴,花開(kāi)才讓春天活力四射,欣欣向榮。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 微詩(shī),用平常語(yǔ),表達(dá)出春之聲,春之美,春之活力。若能聯(lián)系到人,會(huì)更好一些!</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 注:此處用“說(shuō)辭”似乎意思更豐富,準(zhǔn)確些。</span></p>