<p class="ql-block">@所有人</p><p class="ql-block">華夏微型詩(shī)社第531期周周發(fā)同題創(chuàng)作開(kāi)始了。</p><p class="ql-block"> 歡迎詩(shī)友們參與微型詩(shī)寫(xiě)作！請(qǐng)?jiān)缛諛?gòu)思打磨！</p><p class="ql-block">備注：</p><p class="ql-block">1、投稿、收稿時(shí)間：</p><p class="ql-block">2月25日晚上7點(diǎn)——10點(diǎn)。</p><p class="ql-block">2、每人選投一首微型詩(shī)。</p><p class="ql-block">3、請(qǐng)單獨(dú)發(fā)帖，不要自行接龍，由巴山一松老師統(tǒng)一收稿。</p><p class="ql-block">4、稿件選編到美篇，并由詩(shī)社老師予以點(diǎn)評(píng)。</p><p class="ql-block">5、本期題目：</p><p class="ql-block">①《醒》 </p><p class="ql-block">②《與春天對(duì)話》</p><p class="ql-block">6.出題老師：岐麟散人</p><p class="ql-block">7、交流時(shí)可交流兩首，投稿時(shí)只選投一首，收稿只收一首，點(diǎn)評(píng)也只點(diǎn)評(píng)一首。</p><p class="ql-block">8.優(yōu)秀作品推薦“微詩(shī)坊”。</p> <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">與春天對(duì)話</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/二海</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">一想念就變成了葉子</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">有兩片托起的紅腮</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">鮮鮮地開(kāi)放 引蜂蝶圍舞</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">紫塞長(zhǎng)風(fēng)簡(jiǎn)評(píng)：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 想象奇特，形象唯美，“葉子”“紅腮”質(zhì)感，枝葉、花朵的形象呈于眼前，春的形象呈于眼前，且擬人手法讓“對(duì)話”可感。個(gè)感，尾句若能跳脫一點(diǎn)會(huì)更好。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">醒</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/綠柳楓</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">種子在泥土里練習(xí)翻身術(shù)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">蚯蚓用甲骨文</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">在黑暗中，寫(xiě)下解凍宣言</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">紫塞長(zhǎng)風(fēng)簡(jiǎn)評(píng)：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 種子、蚯蚓、解凍，連綴起土地、春天，讓“醒”具象而實(shí)化，翻身術(shù)、甲骨文，新穎獨(dú)到。作品意象豐呈，表達(dá)流暢，令人擊節(jié)！</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">與春天對(duì)話</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/岐麟散人</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">楊柳含情 舞動(dòng)裙袂</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">惹得桃花灼灼</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">一場(chǎng)季節(jié)戀 火遍三月</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">紫塞長(zhǎng)風(fēng)簡(jiǎn)評(píng)：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 鋪墊精彩到位，尾句提升有力。尤其“季節(jié)戀”，突出“對(duì)話”，同時(shí)點(diǎn)出春天，令人遐思。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">與春天對(duì)話</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/小乙</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">綠柳舞動(dòng)枝條</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">花蕾吐芳、小河伴唱</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">風(fēng)兒把心聲送抵醒來(lái)的田野</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">紫塞長(zhǎng)風(fēng)簡(jiǎn)評(píng)：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 作品由綠柳、花蕾、小河組成了春的合唱，尾句扣“對(duì)話”，“送抵”意蘊(yùn)美好。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">與春天對(duì)話</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/古道白楊</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">溫情的語(yǔ)言 熱烈枝頭笑聲</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">嬉鬧 奔跑 追逐 </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">是小草饋贈(zèng)大地的最美詩(shī)行</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">紫塞長(zhǎng)風(fēng)簡(jiǎn)評(píng)：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 一幅春的歡樂(lè)圖，一篇醉美的童話！</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">醒</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文 綠色</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">風(fēng)緩緩吹，蜷縮在角落</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">的蝸牛，奮力搬開(kāi)不堪和委屈</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">傾聽(tīng)季節(jié)的心跳</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">紫塞長(zhǎng)風(fēng)簡(jiǎn)評(píng)：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 童話般的語(yǔ)言，童話般的詩(shī)行，一只蝸牛，透出靈動(dòng)和美感。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">醒</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/吉新</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">直到海水漫過(guò)沙灘，漫過(guò)脖子</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">月光擦拭空寂的杯子</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">才能看到江湖遼遠(yuǎn)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">紫塞長(zhǎng)風(fēng)簡(jiǎn)評(píng)：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 漫過(guò)、擦拭，讓“醒”有了時(shí)間感，也有了溫度；而“才能看到江湖遼遠(yuǎn)”又給人期待。作品遠(yuǎn)近結(jié)合，大小對(duì)比，頗具細(xì)膩感和沖擊力，令人回味。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">與春天對(duì)話</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/趙正霞</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">抬眼 一叢綠 </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">波向心海 撒一把陽(yáng)光</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">播新夢(mèng) 青蔥如初</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">紫塞長(zhǎng)風(fēng)簡(jiǎn)評(píng)：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 一段心靈的獨(dú)白，一闕新春的訴語(yǔ)。</span></p> <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">與春天對(duì)話</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/張雷</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">誰(shuí)把雪人惹哭了 </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">迎春花吹響金色喇叭</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">炊煙呼喚耕牛卸犁回家</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">岐麟散人淺讀:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 首句發(fā)問(wèn)，暗示冬去春來(lái)?！坝夯ā笔谴禾斓牡絹?lái)的標(biāo)志，“金色喇叭”是花之形狀，比喻貼切，末句勾勒出一幅春日農(nóng)耕圖，讓人感受到鄉(xiāng)村生活的美好。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">與春天對(duì)話</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/八鄉(xiāng)人</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">風(fēng)脫掉了我的羽絨服</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">陽(yáng)光帶我去看路邊的野花</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">山巒吼我給它拍照</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">岐麟散人淺讀:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 借脫掉羽絨服，暗示氣溫升高，春天到來(lái)。隨之運(yùn)用擬人手法，野花盛開(kāi)點(diǎn)出春景美好，“拍照”一詞妙趣橫生，“吼”字點(diǎn)睛之筆與詩(shī)題對(duì)應(yīng)。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">與春天對(duì)話</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/執(zhí)著</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">陽(yáng)風(fēng)，舞動(dòng)小蠻腰</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">花兒競(jìng)相嗮裙袂</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">小河嘩啦啦地唱情歌</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">岐麟散人淺讀:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 首句把春風(fēng)比作婀娜舞者，盡顯春風(fēng)輕柔靈動(dòng)之美。“爭(zhēng)相”一詞描繪出百花綻放之態(tài)，末句借小河解凍，賦予小河人的情感，生動(dòng)展現(xiàn)春天美麗景色。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">與春天對(duì)話</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/森林雨</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">清晨，幻一串串脆綠鳥(niǎo)鳴</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">融入山林</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">飛山崗，唱幽徑，啄泉溪</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">岐麟散人淺讀:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 通感手法將鳥(niǎo)鳴的清脆與春天的綠意相融合。“飛、唱、啄”一系列動(dòng)詞描繪出鳥(niǎo)兒在春天山林間歡樂(lè)自由的場(chǎng)景，動(dòng)態(tài)感和畫(huà)面感十足，盡現(xiàn)春天盎然生機(jī)。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">與春天對(duì)話</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/隨風(fēng)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">小燕子回來(lái)了</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">帶著小雨滴</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">對(duì)我訴說(shuō)它愉悅的心情</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">岐麟散人淺讀:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 運(yùn)用“燕子、雨滴”等春天意象，暗示春之到來(lái)?！霸V說(shuō)”一詞對(duì)應(yīng)詩(shī)題，賦予燕子人的情感，借其之口傳達(dá)春汛，充滿感染力。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">與春天對(duì)話</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/蔡厚炳</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">一枚新芽</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">甩掉嚴(yán)冬的自負(fù)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">點(diǎn)亮塵世雙眸</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">岐麟散人淺讀:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 將新芽人格化，生動(dòng)展現(xiàn)新芽沖破寒冬的力量。全詩(shī)以小見(jiàn)大，展現(xiàn)春天新生力量帶來(lái)的美。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">與春天對(duì)話</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/陽(yáng)光</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">風(fēng) 開(kāi)始炫酷</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">桃花 曬出愛(ài)情詩(shī)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">泥土 生出一地綠娃 </span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">岐麟散人淺讀:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> “風(fēng)、桃花、泥土”三個(gè)意向形象展現(xiàn)春回大地、草木萌發(fā)的景象，展現(xiàn)春天的多彩與活力。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">與春天對(duì)話</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/康秀炎</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">我喊了一聲</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">陽(yáng)光在枝頭打顫</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">咕嚕嚕 滾下一串鳥(niǎo)鳴</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">岐麟散人淺讀:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 一二句想象奇特，充滿趣味。末句運(yùn)用擬聲詞和動(dòng)詞，描繪出春天里鳥(niǎo)鳴畫(huà)面，語(yǔ)句精煉優(yōu)美。</span></p> <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">醒</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/丹霞</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">時(shí)間老人做夢(mèng)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">花和蝴蝶飛翔</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">眸子一睜 春天已然眼前</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">赤道雪域簡(jiǎn)評(píng): </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 想象夢(mèng)境內(nèi)外浪漫，眼前強(qiáng)化了親切美好的感受。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">醒</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/陳興茂</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">春雨瀟瀟 嬌嫡聲聲</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">枝頭嫩葉瞇眼笑</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">期待一場(chǎng)花開(kāi)的絢麗</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">赤道雪域簡(jiǎn)評(píng): </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 醒來(lái)時(shí)所聞所見(jiàn)，及滿懷激動(dòng)的期待。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">與春天對(duì)話</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/付光渝</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">桃花綻出粉腮 嫵媚</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">妖嬈 向暖陽(yáng)討</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">一抹溫柔 怦然心動(dòng)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">赤道雪域簡(jiǎn)評(píng): </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 比擬生動(dòng)，生機(jī)盎然！</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 醒</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 文/晗羲</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">清翠的燕鳴聲灑落夜空</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">冰封的河床，泛醒了漣漪</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">萬(wàn)山披上綠妝，從春晨中走來(lái)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">赤道雪域簡(jiǎn)評(píng): </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 三行三組意象，共譜寫(xiě)春天醒來(lái)時(shí)氣象的變化！</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">與春天對(duì)話</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/周其林</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">雷聲從腳底炸響</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">綠意就從天邊枝頭</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">彌漫開(kāi)來(lái)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">赤道雪域簡(jiǎn)評(píng): </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 文字簡(jiǎn)潔，氣勢(shì)足，生機(jī)盎然。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">與春天對(duì)話</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/ 刀郎公子</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">輕風(fēng)聆聽(tīng)泥土里的信號(hào)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">與它交流</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">新生命的秘密</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">赤道雪域簡(jiǎn)評(píng): </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 想象空靈大氣，語(yǔ)氣輕柔。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">醒</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/心開(kāi)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">一朵花開(kāi)的時(shí)間</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">東方魚(yú)肚白宣告</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">椿芽的精彩時(shí)刻</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">赤道雪域簡(jiǎn)評(píng): </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 描繪晨醒時(shí)內(nèi)心激動(dòng)的感受。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">醒 </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/行天 </span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">14億國(guó)人中</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">11億人月薪3000以下 </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">冰冷數(shù)字令人背脊發(fā)涼</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">赤道雪域簡(jiǎn)評(píng): </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 關(guān)注民生，好！羅列數(shù)據(jù)，要真實(shí)嚴(yán)謹(jǐn)，經(jīng)得住推敲。</span></p> <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">醒</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/張士杰</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">露珠在蛛網(wǎng)上搖晃</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">破碎的月光</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">滴落成黎明</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">巴山一松簡(jiǎn)評(píng)：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 微詩(shī)構(gòu)思獨(dú)特，既有色彩又有動(dòng)感，"滴落”通感為醒而來(lái)。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">與春天對(duì)話</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/楊繼廷</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">準(zhǔn)備好了嗎</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">一起努力</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">等待秋天的碩果</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">巴山一松簡(jiǎn)評(píng)：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 一個(gè)問(wèn)句，充滿親切感，給人希望。理解文中的“春天”可虛可實(shí)。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">與春天對(duì)話</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/東方虹雨</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">新紅嫩綠的詞匯</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">燕鶯穿云造句</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">柳笛 把故事又演奏了一遍</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">巴山一松簡(jiǎn)評(píng)：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 多個(gè)景物的有效鏈接，完成了一個(gè)故事，比擬，構(gòu)思不錯(cuò)。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">醒</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/林漢梁</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">愚昧藏腦海</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">待冤災(zāi)惡劣等降臨</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">方知遠(yuǎn)離而去</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">巴山一松簡(jiǎn)評(píng)：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 少了意象，說(shuō)教就重了。這是微詩(shī)不提倡的寫(xiě)作方式。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">醒</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/書(shū)蟲(chóng)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">春風(fēng)扯落雪被</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">一枝梅成了點(diǎn)睛之筆</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">江南，睜開(kāi)嫩綠的眸子</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">巴山一松簡(jiǎn)評(píng)：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 微詩(shī)圍繞詩(shī)題，句句都有醒的影子，通感運(yùn)用為詩(shī)增光添彩，樸實(shí)文字有了生命。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">與春天對(duì)話</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/高峰</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">輕叩大地 聽(tīng)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">你帶來(lái)數(shù)不清那生機(jī)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">潤(rùn)雨回 在每寸土地上撒歡</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">巴山一松簡(jiǎn)評(píng)：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> “撒歡”精彩，既有了生機(jī)，又有了情感。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">醒</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/家鄉(xiāng)小河</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">柔風(fēng)像一把鑰匙</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">打開(kāi)冰冷鎖鏈</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">遍野響起了吶喊聲</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">巴山一松簡(jiǎn)評(píng)：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 構(gòu)思不錯(cuò)，表達(dá)連貫，春的無(wú)窮生機(jī)就在“吶喊聲”里，哪怕有些吶喊人耳聽(tīng)不見(jiàn)。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">與春天對(duì)話</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/墨客吟</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">小草穿過(guò)積雪和太陽(yáng)搭訕</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">風(fēng)跑來(lái)偷聽(tīng)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">沒(méi)有獲取情報(bào)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">巴山一松簡(jiǎn)評(píng)：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 微詩(shī)運(yùn)用擬人完成事件的描述，“ 搭訕”“情報(bào)”出新。</span></p> <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">醒</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/江南風(fēng)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">再黑，又如何</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">借一盞路燈，替代夜的眼睛</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">多少歸途，在腳下生風(fēng)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">昨夜星簡(jiǎn)評(píng)：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 這首微詩(shī)旨意是寫(xiě)打工者的激昂，向上的精神面貌，面對(duì)一切困難，豪邁的心緒。正能量的一首。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 作者沒(méi)有干巴巴去說(shuō)教，通過(guò)形象思維，融入自己的思考，情感，以小見(jiàn)大，完成主旨的表達(dá)。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">醒</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/雪兒懷春</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">牌桌爭(zhēng)鋒“友誼”偏軌</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">勤于書(shū)中尋找清潔樂(lè)園</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">享?yè)碛嗌h逸</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">昨夜星簡(jiǎn)評(píng)：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 立意不錯(cuò)！但在表達(dá)效果上顯生硬！</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">與春天對(duì)話</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/老妖</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">一朵小花孤零向寒風(fēng)細(xì)說(shuō)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">百應(yīng)效果顯著</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">獨(dú)秀風(fēng)景只把魅力彰顯</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">昨夜星簡(jiǎn)評(píng)：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 寫(xiě)景，選取意象，都是為了抒情，表達(dá)主題服務(wù)。力求詩(shī)語(yǔ)自然生動(dòng)，上下連貫。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">與春天對(duì)話</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/往往醉后</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">此時(shí) 不只是聽(tīng)你發(fā)芽</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">那十里桃紅</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">也羞答答的 想跟我耳語(yǔ)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">昨夜星簡(jiǎn)評(píng)：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 扣題緊。表達(dá)上也生動(dòng)。寫(xiě)景，抒情上也融合自然。但轉(zhuǎn)換寫(xiě)人，抒情力度欠火候，——未再深入。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 詩(shī)語(yǔ)尚可簡(jiǎn)練。此時(shí) 不僅聽(tīng)發(fā)芽/十里桃紅/羞答答 想耳語(yǔ)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 試改一下：諦聽(tīng)發(fā)芽的聲音/十里的桃紅 /抵不上 那人耳語(yǔ)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">注：羞答答的，“的”是“地”?！跋搿贝颂幑δ軕?yīng)是動(dòng)詞。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">與春天對(duì)話</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/巴山一松</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">再多說(shuō)詞都很蒼白</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">只一聲?shū)B(niǎo)鳴，一朵花開(kāi)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">新季，就鮮活起來(lái)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">昨夜星簡(jiǎn)評(píng)：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 言語(yǔ)，夸，似乎力不從心，鳥(niǎo)鳴，花開(kāi)才讓春天活力四射，欣欣向榮。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 微詩(shī)，用平常語(yǔ)，表達(dá)出春之聲，春之美，春之活力。若能聯(lián)系到人，會(huì)更好一些！</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 注：此處用“說(shuō)辭”似乎意思更豐富，準(zhǔn)確些。</span></p>